about me

I've tried a lot of things in my life – I studied humanities and postmodern philosophy, worked in online marketing, travelled a lot, worked in the kitchen and on farms abroad, did some social work – and in the process, was using all kinds of psychoactive substances. I started at about 15 years old with alcohol and marijuana, then added psychedelics and party drugs, then cocaine, ketamine, GBL, amphetamine, methamphetamine and benzodiazepines. In fact, I spent most of my life running away from myself – from my issues and from how I felt. Now I see that my main aim was not to feel myself, not to be in myself. Am I sad? I'll take this. Am I tired? I'll take that. In drugs and alcohol, I sought stimulation, relaxation, self-confidence, self-realization, escape, but also transcendental/spiritual experiences and a sense of connection with music, other people and myself – I didn't do well without them. Gradually, I developed an addiction to using all kinds of these substances. And it went hand in hand with experiencing toxic psychoses, burnout, anxiety, depression, fatigue, apathy and loss of meaning.

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What made me realize I have some problem for the first time? – methamphetamine. In my 30s, after three years of using, I could barely get up without it, I couldn't perform any productive activity without it. I was “curing” my crashes and downs with alcohol and benzodiazepines… and soon, complete mental breakdown followed. I started a 3-month inpatient treatment at Apolinář addiction treatment/hospital facility – it helped me gain some insight into the patterns of my addiction, but it was not enough. After finishing treatment, back in everyday life, the old patterns of thinking and solving situations/life prevailed again – although I had avoided methamphetamine, I was drinking a lot of alcohol and had major relapses with amphetamine once per month or two, after which I was sick and depressed for a week. I left my career in online marketing - I was unable to complete any work on a PC without stimulants, and overall, I didn't enjoy the marketing world anymore. I went to Canada and New Zealand for 3 years, where drinking was somewhat hidden in the enthusiasm around traveller culture, punk living in a van, working in orchards, etc.

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After returning to Prague, at the age of 35, I made a connection with my humanistic roots and start working as a social worker. Helping those in need gave me great sense of fulfilment and self-realization, but as they rightly say, external validation does not heal one's own inner wounds. The old familiar environment also took its toll. I slipped into quarterly rides with cocaine and alcohol, and I also "discovered" kratom. After a while, however, I told myself that relying/depending on all sorts of extrenal self-medication and wallowing in physical and moral hangovers simply did not work for me anymore and was not leading anywhere. Also, I had my dreams and was often thinking and planning what I would really want to do in my life and where I should essentially go, but I did not have the energy, strength and self-confidence for it; I was remaining in my comfort zone of filling holes in my soul with various external substances. I saw myself standing in a place that was no longer healthy and functional for me.

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So, I started my journey of recovery - I gathered courage, stepped into the unknown and went fully sober. It was difficult and slow, but I gradually began to feel what I truly and naturally enjoy and what fulfils my soul. The work of C. G. Jung and the self-discovery techniques of depth psychology helped me a lot in this - they allow us to explore all the motives and contents within ourselves/our minds in an very clear and kind way, through playful/experiential imagination. Also, shamanic rituals and holotropic breathwork works a lot for me, as well as being in/feeling the nature. And so I explored my inner self; discovered my version of spirituality; learned to deal with my issues and difficulties in a healthy way. I learned that I have power to change what can be changed; I learned how to humbly and compassionately accept what can't be changed. I know that it sounds cliché and quite sunny, but it feels like by coping with life in a healthy way, I started to blossom and began to fulfill my natural, true potential.

 

Also, I realized that in my experiences with living with addiction and recovering from addiction lies my great strenght and resource - and that (hand in hand with a long-term interest in helping professions, psychology, self-knowledge and various psychotherapeutic methods and approaches) I can motivate others, help them to change and move forward. I have undergone several adequate trainings and courses and now I am here for you as a recovery coach and a therapist.